Hey there, it’s been a while I know.
I’m back, though I doubt I will be able to post as often as I used to.
A lot has happened since I’ve gone quiet! I got a job (it’s shite, I hate it, it’s not what I want to to be doing with my life… but I’m getting moooooneys YAY!).
I’ve met a booooy! (I finally gave him the name of this blog, and he’s just text me to let me know he’s had a little look….) It actually makes me pretty nervous thinking that someone I care about is looking through here. It’s pretty unfiltered and it’s the place that i’ve expressed some of my darkest moments. Heyho, as he said last night, we shouldn’t have any secrets. So Honey Bucket (my pet name for him always makes me chuckle) welcome to my world!
Anyways that is it for the time being. I hope you’re all well.
And it turns out that she has been in Egypt with some guy she’s been dating for about 3 weeks.
You kidding me?
She hasn’t even been single a month and she finds a guy who takes her to Africa?
I actually feel like such a shit friend that I can’t be happy for her.
What is this bullshit with all my friends finding amazing guys within a month of breaking up their fucktard ex’s.
I feel like I keep trying to do things to take my mind off of all the crap I’m having to deal with at the moment. But i’m realising I’m just popping a plaster over this massive wound. No amount of activities is going to change the fact that I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for years. It’s made worse by me seeing other people being happy and I just want to feel some of that.
I don’t even know anymore. I probably wouldn’t even know happy if it flicked me on the nose.
I’ve counted and realised that the vast majority of men in my life have disappeared on me.
One minute they are there and the next poof! Gone in a puff of smoke.
The last few times it has really knocked my confidence. Already being in a pretty low place with confidence it’s slightly tipping me over the edge. I can feel it.
Am I that awful a person? Why do I want to give more people the chance to do the same? Am I such a disappointment?
I honestly think this is some of the best advice I’ve ever received from a friend.
"Delete his number and any messages, let him chase you."
I’m done chasing boys. I’m old fashion. If you like me or want me in your life you’re going to have to make the effort. I’ve been burned too many times by boys foolish games.
I’ve been through my phone and I got delete happy.
I feel good.